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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change."

"The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, ""Duck"". His mother slaps him."

"I realised I've got a road rage problem when my five-year-old daughter shouted... ...""Pick a fucking lane,you dickhead!"" While sitting in my grocery trolley."

"Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try"

"My grandmother always wanted to be in a gated community So that's why I chose to have her buried at the cemetery when she died."

"I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning."

"A boy asked his rich uncle for a cowboy outfit for his birthday. So the uncle bought him a used car dealership."

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts!"

"What does a parliamentarian say when they're done masturbating? ""Beating adjourned."""

"The ex says he's come into some money and can finally ""take care"" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?"