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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I hear brick I always yell out ""HOUSE!"" My friend Alex House hates when I go to his basketball games"

"What is green and has cake? Grass. The cake is a lie."

"Invisible Man A nurse says, ""Doctor, the invisible man is here for his three o'clock."" The doctor says, ""Well, tell him I can't see him."""

"There's no ""u"" in employee. You're fired."

"When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river"

"[comedy club] Worm: And what's the deal with dandelion stems? Right? Right?! Other worms: *silence* Early bird: *cracking up*"

"Did you hear about the narcoleptic, necrophiliac mortician? He fell asleep in the job."

"Reportedly Wayne Rooney said to Roy Hodgson ""I don't know if I'm better on the left, middle or right"" Hodgson responded ""Shut up and pick a seat on the plane Wayne"""

"What's the difference between a sausage dog and a market trader? One bawls his wares out on the street..."

"Have you ever answered your own question? Why yes, I have!"