20071

Joke of the Day

"What is green and has cake? Grass. The cake is a lie."

"Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid."

"Using the little box on my MacBook charge cord to keep my feet warm, just like my ancestors did"

"I didn't know it was Earth Day I'm usually in the dark on it..."

"DEFINITION OF DIPLOMACY Q: What is the definition of diplomacy? A: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."

"90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running."

"What do you get when you crossbreed a negro with an octopus? I've got no idea, but sure as hell would be useful at a cotton farm."

"If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they're whispering ""no weirdos please"" to themselves."

"Seeing jelly in the peanut butter jar is gross, that's why it's important to lick the knife before you stick it in there."

"fat people https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/2uje2o/how_to_lose_weight_fast/?submit_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DzfOy5Ghv9rM&already_submitted=true"