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Joke of the Day

"When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river"

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"If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted."
"I went on Reddit once I reg-Reddit"
"Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill."
"Does a basketball player with an extra chromosome... have both ups and downs?"
"Optimists, pessimists, and engineers An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees a glass half empty. An engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be."
"Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body? Dumbbelldor."
"My Thai girlfriend is so generous She gave me a pearl necklace."
"Does a farmer eat female sheep? Ewe, no."
"But is that likely? Whaaat __ You don't know Lee? Pleasant chap, though he doesn't fancy being compared to a butt."