181142

Joke of the Day

"Man texted: ""I want you to be my little angle."" I answered: ""Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?"" Two days have passed, no reply."

"10 bucks says Kanye signed the guest book at his own wedding."

"Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn't count."

"Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period."

"Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks."

"What do you call a hot fruit? A LAVA-Cado!"

"[an octopus seeing a snake for the first time] OMG a foot!"

"What's the funniest thing you can find in a closet? Robin Williams"

"If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done."

"You better hope you marry rich."