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Joke of the Day

"If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done."

"[texting] me: I just left and I already miss you wife *typing response* me: (can you read that to the dog for me)"

"If it's a boy, I'm naming him after my father, Anonymous."

"You know how I found out I have a fruit fetish? I had an Orange Crush."

"Everyone complains about immigration until they're searching the city for a decent taco."

"I happily dad joked my fiance While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side. To which I replied, ""At least you won't smell half bad!"""

"For mother day my mom is going to get the same as always disappointment :("

"On a positive note, women with full hour glass figures don't have to wear watches."

"What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded."

"A guy walks into his house holding a goat. He says ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says ""What are you stupid? That's a goat!"" He says ""I wasn't talking to you."""