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Joke of the Day

"I tried to order a Vietnamese sandwich at a restaurant today while I was walking around topless... The staff refused to serve me, and threatened to bahn mi if I came in without a shirt again."

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"So my friend who has multiple personalities called me yesterday. My Caller I.D. exploded....."
"Are you all just gonna keep ignoring how fucked up knees look when a person is standing?"
"My friend told me how electricity was measured. And I was like watt."
"Hot waitress just gave me her digits! I have them in a cooler in my trunk."
"You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating crayons."
"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage."
"Women are like public toilets... They're all dirty except for the disabled ones."
"once i saw a horse standing next to a car and when someone remote unlocked the car, the horse got spooked and kicked in the passenger door."
"What did Michael Fox bring to baby Jesus? Parkincense."