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Joke of the Day
"Hot waitress just gave me her digits! I have them in a cooler in my trunk."
Next Joke
"I like my presidents like I like my slaves Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with ""I ran"""
"What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad"
"CW: The boss said she wanted to see you. Me: That's flattering, but I don't date people from work."
"Get all the protein you can before you die because there's no whey in Hell"
"Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor."
"On Canadian twitter they should give us 148 characters. We have extra U's in words like colour & the ""eh"" we need to add at the end."
"How many Freudian analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to actually screw it in, and one to hold the ~~penis.~~ Edit: Ladder. One to hold the ladder."
"Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take a shit when your a mile & a half away from ur bathroom. I almost shitted in a bush"
"I was visiting a desserts factory last week when my girlfriend fell into the gelato machine Now she's sore bae."