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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who took his suppositories orally? He said, ""For all the good these are doing me, I may as well shove 'em up my ass!"""

"ABC NEWS: Bees fly and make honey FOX: Islamic insects attacking Texas CNN: flying warbirds create liquid yellow weapons of mass destruction"

"A mexican, African American and Muslim walk into a bar.... They see that Donald Trump and a group of his supporters are there, so they get they quickly get the fuck out there."

"I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell"

"[phone rings in 1984] ""Eric get the phone"" Hello? ""Tell em I'm not home."" She's not home. ""Ask who it is."" My mom wants to know who this is."

"If used correctly, Twitter can be used as an antidepressant. Just don't take it as a suppository."

"A drum solo but on your face."

"I work to buy a car to go to work."

"What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit? A tortoise."

"Inspirational tweet: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train."