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Joke of the Day

"I work to buy a car to go to work."

"What should you always ask after someone says ""I'd fuck her, but only with a bag on her head""? Paper or plastic?"

"Who is a penguin's favorite relative? His Aunt Arctica"

"There's this girl I know, and I'm like a god to her. Because I'm always watching her. And she's never seen me."

"What do you call an overweight Mexican? A MAXican"

"Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? because it couldn't survive in the Battlefield."

"When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it."

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"

"I'm excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings."

"This guy in an overcoat walks up to two old nuns on a bench and opens up his coat to reveal he's completely naked underneath. One of the nuns has a stroke. The other one couldn't reach"