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Joke of the Day

"two peanuts were walking down the street. one was a salted."

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"What do you call Ralph Nader's alter ego? His alter-nader"
"How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian"
"I don't think I'm a father but I better celebrate just incase I am..."
"Your eyes are like stars. Not because they are bright and beautiful. But because they are so far apart."
"My plan is simple. Drink Vodka until I start speaking Russian."
"Lots of decisions will be made today... Because it's Choose day."
"Sometimes I'm right. Other times my wife is close enough to hear what I'm saying."
"My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) ""Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober."" - Winston Churchill"
"What do you call a Kiwi with one leg? Not even bro."