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Joke of the Day

"Never Lose A Tank When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship."

"I ran three miles today! Finally I said, ""Lady, take your purse."""

"""I'm so sorry"" and ""my bad"" can be used interchangeably Except at funerals."

"""you create beauty with your soul and personality! and also with not being fat and with using this make up."" - women's magazines"

"Hellen Keller Jokes What's long and black? every day How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity? Someone left a plunger in the toilet"

"They don't make forks like they used to. Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines."

"What exactly had the ""NOW That's What I Call Music!"" guy been listening to before? Sound FX CDs? Whale noises?"

"I used to wave my hands in the air like I just don't care, but now I just wave them because I get more steps on my FitBit"

"What's the difference.... Between eating pussy and driving in the fog? When you're driving in the fog you can't see the asshole in front of you"

"Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox? He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini."