173586

Joke of the Day

"They don't make forks like they used to. Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines."

"Every Canadian child goes to sleep with a plush toy of the current Prime Minister to keep them safe. Justin Trudeau was elected because Stephen Harper was scaring the children."

"My background check bounced."

"Girl Monster 1: ""I hear you've met the perfect guy."" Girl Monster 2: ""Oh yes he's a bad dream come true!"""

"'I have a baby-sized dick' he said. He wasn't lying. 19 inches, 7.5 lbs."

"Missing LSD tablets Hey Gran, you haven't seen my tablets, they're labelled LSD. Gran: Fuck your tablets, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen!"

"Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*"

"If i had a dollar for everytime someone called me a racist black people would probably come rob me."

"What's the best part about dating a Muslim The sex is explosive"

"snickers where r mah snickers"