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Joke of the Day

"I think my TV is broken because these commercials make being human look like a gorgeous adventure but I'm just tired and sad. Yes I can hold"

"I like to think I'm pretty smart. I just managed to get a 90 on my iq test."

"I like my sex the way I like my tweets. Forced and meaningless."

"""To be perfectly honest, I'm not a huge fan of beats by Dre."" --Dee Barnes [Context for the clueless](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dee_Barnes)."

"My friend said he'll shave his hair for the first time in forever... I told him it was a....*bold* move."

"[at a bar] ""I'm meeting my friend Dan"" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK"

"I went to see a gay magician's show last night. For his last trick, he disappeared with a poof..."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? **One.** **Germans are very efficient and not very funny.** *Source: My co-worker.* *I'm German and I approve this message.*"

"If 'we are what we eat'! Then I'm a huge dick you guys. I'm really sorry"

"Why did Jesus Christ go to the doctor? His resurrection lasted more than four hours."