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Joke of the Day

"[at a bar] ""I'm meeting my friend Dan"" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK"

"I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon."

"I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes."

"Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree"

"Newlyweds tell the hotel desk clerk ""we need a room we just got married!"" Clerk says ""would you like a bridal?"" The husband replies"" no I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."""

"Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks ""Curry Ok Sir?"" I said ""Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off""."

"I have a crush on a girl with a lazy eye But she won't even look at me.."

"Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too. 50% off"

"video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house."

"Last week I dropped my camera into the toilet The pictures were even shittier than usual"