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Joke of the Day

"I replied ""maybe"" to your facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life's journey."

"Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom."

"Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because all the kids have to play in side."

"The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hangout. It just says I can't get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or Frisbee or something?"

"Caught myself yelling ""FUCK YOU"" to my burrito for dripping on pants, feet & bed, if you were wondering who's raising the next generation."

"I've adjusted my insults to be more pc Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight."

"I used to date the lead singer of the cranberries Until i found out she was cheating on me....turns out she had some turkey on the side. :D"

"Hot Pringles in your area want you to jam your whole fist in their cans."

"Me: I got my first TOTD! It's exciting! Him: What's that? M: um, well, it's an imaginary trophy... H: well then I'm imaginary proud of you."

"I don't like rape jokes. They're always so forced."