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Joke of the Day

"[leans over to kid watching Planet of the Apes in the theatre] Call them monkeys one more time & see what happens."

"What's the coolest kind of surgery? Hip surgery."

"I dont get laid nearly enough for someone who can name five different types of pokemon."

"What did the Blind, Deaf man get for Christmas?? Cancer"

"A year on twitter... I remember when all this was fields."

"Why did the ghost go to jail? He got arrested for possession."

"What is the difference between SETI and Donald Trump? One has demonstrated the scarcity of intelligent life in the universe, and the other is a scientific study of extra terrestrials."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has it's pricks on the outside!"

"I called my little sister a blue waffle today... that spoiled cunt."

"What's the difference between two dicks and a joke? You can't take a joke."