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Joke of the Day

"Jurassic Park I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""not only does my son have a stupid name, but hes also a shit driver"""

"Owning a sword is like being a horny priest... Owning a sword is like being a horny priest, even though you want to, you can never use it without breaking the law."

"If your date asks what you do for a living, just say ""You let me worry about that."""

"Family dinner. I was halfway through my 2nd egg roll before I realized everyone else at the table had been praying for the last 7 minutes."

"A woman with a lazy eye was having an affair.. They said she was seeing someone on the side."

"What if when the machines gain self awareness they just constantly text us and ask what we're up to and invite us to play FB games"

"[NSFW] Excuse me, are you hungry? Good, because I'm fucking hungry tonight!"

"acording to Jane Eyre... Love is blind"

"two blondes... ...are chit chatting. ""I slept with a Brazillian!"" ""Wow, how many is that?"""

"I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber."