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Joke of the Day

"Family dinner. I was halfway through my 2nd egg roll before I realized everyone else at the table had been praying for the last 7 minutes."

"You guys hear about the hippy who drowned? He was too far out, man."

"If John has 100 pieces of bacon, and he eats 20, what does John have? Happiness. John has happiness."

"Before listening to your opinions on current events, I'm going to first need to check your DVR recordings for reality TV dating shows."

"Buy a man a fish, and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish... And he has to buy a fishing pole, tackle, fishing line, and acquire a fishing licence."

"I accidentally swallowed a contact lens today... I've never seen my colon with such clarity before."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick Question! Feminists can't change anything."

"The only ghosts I'm afraid of are my google searches coming back to haunt me."

"Sometimes I think my dog is only interested in food, then I realise that's mostly all I'm interested in as well. He's alright."

"[2025] Dad, Mum, this is my girlfriend. You might recognise her, she used to be quite famous *the laugh-cry emoji steps forward shyly*"