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Joke of the Day

"I swear I won't be undressing you with my eyes again. That REALLY hurt!"

"My kid spilled milk in the back of my car last week ... Now I tell people it has a stinky dairy-air."

"The main reason I'm single is because every woman I date tries to hoard the red skittles & I'm not cool with that shit."

"No, No, people. It's okay. I can make racist jokes. One of my best friends is a racist."

"Why did the girl loaf of stale bread slap the boy loaf of stale bread? Because he tried to get fresh."

"[phone rings] ""Is your refrigerator running?"" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* ""I don't know what he's doing anymore."""

"The secret cocaine ring in my school still hasnt been busted by the police It's slipping right under everyone's noses!"

"Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: I just wanted to see you. [4:07 am]"

"Hey, are you -273.15C? Yeah, I'm 0K thanks."

"I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger and then it hit me."