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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn't know which one came first!"

"So my close friends kid wanted to be Batman. So a murdered his parents after giving them tickets to the opera. He doesn't seem so keen now."

"If a tree farm is planted next to a cornfield ... and over time grows to steal sunlight from the cornfield, would that be farmed robbery?"

"""My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner"" I explain to the other homeless people."

"""Why don't you cool it on the dressmaking,"" I suggested to my wife. ""You seamstressed."""

"Jack and Jill went up a hill; &nbsp; to have a bit of fun. &nbsp; But stupid Jill forgot the pill; &nbsp; and now they have a son."

"My doctor wouldn't examine me when I said I was having hearing problems... He just said it was ear relevant"

"My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar."

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

"I applied for a job as a suicide bomber. I said I have no previous experience, they didn't seem to mind."