179528

Joke of the Day

"A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies ""Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."""

"Denied candy because I ""didn't wear red"". Kicked out of the office because I ""didn't wear pants"". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules."

"My twittercide will be like the final scene in BraveHeart but a doughnut will fall from my hand in slowmo instead of an embroidered hanky."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ""Give me a beer and a mop."""

"I took my new dog outside to go to the bathroom but he didn't like my yard I told him, ""I know it's not the best, but you'll have to make doo."""

"If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies? A swallow"

"""It's good but it's not right."" Roy Walker having sex with a corpse."

"My shower had a bit of mildew- -but all it took was a little... scrubbing!!!"

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"

"I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one."