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Joke of the Day

"Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all (Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)"

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"It'd be cool if a firetruck was like an ice cream truck and just drove around selling fire to kids."

"A hippo comes to a doctor... with a toad on his head. - What seems to be the problem? - There's something stuck to my ass, - answers the toad."

"My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere."

"What do you call a gay guy who gives bad blow jobs? A tooth fairy."

"I'm not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry."

"French tanks have 6 gears for going backwards and only 1 gear for going forward In case they get attacked from behind"

"AROMATHERAPY CONUNDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing? #retweet #grief"

"""Serving size: half sandwich."" Really, ice-cream sandwich manufacturers? I know what you're doing. And I don't like it."