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Joke of the Day

"THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uhfailure"

"What do you call a half gay man? A semicolon."

"I am finally going to stop procrastinating. Starting tomorrow..."

"What is a redditors worst nightmare? [removed]"

"An asshole What do you call a person who reads the punchline before the joke?"

"Muhammad Ali recently died, but look at the bright side: At least he isn't shaking anymore."

"My wife calls herself a trophy wife. I told her that's because I won the participation award."

"University: ""Got any money for tuition?"" Me: ""Go Fish"""

"Hey commercials, thanks anyway but we're poor."

"How high can Miss Piggy count? 68, because at 69 she gets a frog in her throat..."