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Joke of the Day

"French tanks have 6 gears for going backwards and only 1 gear for going forward In case they get attacked from behind"

"Someone once said, ""Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."" So, I'm pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!"

"A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street... when they passed a little boy. The priest leans toward the rabbi and says, ""Lets's fuck him!"" The rabbi asks, ""Out of what?"""

"[mysterious British man rescues me] Me: How? Him: Bond [introducing himself as we leave prison], bail bond."

"What do you call a stay-at-home parent? Unemployed."

"Did you know that by today's standards Marilyn Monroe would be considered dead?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE GRANDMA I'M ENTERTAINING LITERALLY TENS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET"

"Give a man a match and he's warm for a day.... Set fire to a man and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend"

"My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side"