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Joke of the Day

"My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere."

"How can you spell too much with two letters? XS (excess)."

"A dad walks in on his son watching porn. The son says, ""Well, at least you know I'm straight, dad."" The dad says, ""Not after tonight, son."""

"What do you do after having licked the world's smoothest vagina? Put it back in the stroller"

"You know how some dogs turn around several times before lying down and going to sleep? They must be watch dogs. That's how they unwind."

"Every year on Valentine's Day, I put a smile on my wife's face by taking down the Christmas tree."

"""I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"" -New York's most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter"

"What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bag outside the breast cancer ward."

"A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger. Apparently he is now in a stable condition."

"I had an interview today. The guy interviewing me asked me where I saw myself in 5 years... I told him I didn't have 2020 vision."