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Joke of the Day

"Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?' Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'"

"[NSFW] Gonzo turns to Kermit and says ""It's getting late, want to go eat out somewhere?"" Kermit looks at Missy Piggy and says ""I'm having pork tonight."""

"Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving."

"It's awful being in a wheelchair everyone is always pushing me around and talking behind my back"

"Why is santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year. Like most jokes on this thread this is stolen, not being a shitcunt and taking credit..."

"And this song would come on and all the white people would start having a group seizure. Me explaining the Harlem shake to my grand kids."

"My Love Life is Like my Ferrari... It's nonexistent"

"Sir, your resume is just a picture of you photoshopped into a quidditch match. No need for an interview, welcome to the White House"

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate a tit a lot."

"There's a nudist convention in my town next weekend I might go if I've got nothing on"