178750

Joke of the Day

"Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?' Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'"

"What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir."

"Why do lesbians shop at sport authority? Because they don't like Dick's"

"So you could say USA nuked Japan in the woman's world cup. Too soon?"

"My wife's sister My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off."

"kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them"

"What do you call a Pirate who lost his anchor? ""can't anchor us"" /bow.. this is as clever as i get, people.. so sorry."

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do, it's my ankle."

"Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?"

"A duck fell into the sewer system the other day... It was pretty fowl-smelling."