130293

Joke of the Day

"Why is santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year. Like most jokes on this thread this is stolen, not being a shitcunt and taking credit..."

"[Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] ""I love the way you work it"" Baker: ""No diggity?"" Me: ""Baguette up."""

"How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride bikes?"

"(commercial for drugs) Man: Nothing is working out in my life VO: Have you tried drugs? Man: (startled) Who said that Narrator: ""Drugs"""

"""Good for you"" was said unsarcastically only that first time."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who visited the ICU ward? His doctor told him to eat more vegetables."

"I have a stepladder because.... My real ladder left me when I was young."

"Winter coats look like people gained 10 pounds, a perfect indicator for how they will look without the coat when the holiday season is over"

"a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again"

"How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris."