199950

Joke of the Day

"It's awful being in a wheelchair everyone is always pushing me around and talking behind my back"

"*lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*"

"Neuroscientists have discovered a commonly-consumed food which nearly eliminates the female sex drive. Wedding cake."

"My mouth smells like a cave someone shoved a bunch of dead animals into, because that's what it is."

"What was left after Pavarotti passed away? 20"

"Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, ""surprise adoption""."

"Why wasn't toto as excited as dorothy when they traveled the yellow brick road? he missed the rains down in africa"

"10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God."

"My German friend told me to pick him up dry wine. I brought the bottle to his house and he said, ""Thanks, where are the other two?"""

"So I knew this lady, and even though she was a Prostitute..... She had the Prettiest face I ever came across."