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Joke of the Day

"My dad always told me... Always B sharp and B natural, but never B flat. Safe to say, I'm a terrible musician. Thanks a lot, dad."

"""Hey, it's been 6 seconds. Check your phone again."" (my brain)"

"Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich? Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!"

"What does an onii-chan drive? A Niisan. *cue rimshot*"

"What's another name for a Jew? A sneeze."

"I think what irritates me most about Katy Perry is that I thought she was a Zooey Deschanel SNL character until about 2 months ago."

"2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store."

"What is the worst part about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"[1620] We Indians will bury the hatchet and teach you to farm. *Pilgrims huddle* It's a ruse, this soil looks awful for growing hatchets."

"Jesus is a really bad WoW player... ...When he dies it takes 3 days to resurrect him."