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Joke of the Day

"When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena ."

"What was the yacht doing while it played heavy metal music? Dokken"

"I could've chosen a life of crime but it seems like it would interfere with my 9pm bedtime."

"I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date... ...and ended up with a nasty bout of samoanella."

"There's a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there's pulp in their orange juice."

"Never in the history of unlimited data plans has someone gone through their significant others phone and gotten happier"

"I need another name for a dinosaur. I should consult the Thesaurus."

"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."

"DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting"

"What do you call one of Santa's helpers? A subordinate clause"