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Joke of the Day
"I pulled on a door that says push. Cause I don't let a fuckin door tell me what to do."
Next Joke
"Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken"
"DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg"
"What is the most dishonest fish in the ocean? A lionfish"
"What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality? *gets arrested*"
"NEXT APOLOGY I'M WAITING FOR PAULA DEEN TO APOLOGIZE FOR HER FAMILY STARTING THE CIVIL WAR"
"They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country... ...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million."
"Fat women Vs Gravity Fat girls really do defy the laws of physics. It appears the heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up."
"What did the aliens say, when they came to earth in search of soda pop? Take me to your liter!"
"Dollar Tree clerk asked me to fill out a survey to maybe win a $500 gift card and I was like I don't need to own a whole dollar store thanks"