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Joke of the Day

"A teacher and her student practice counting Teacher: OK now, 61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69...what comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash That student was sent home"

"What do banks and the US government have in common? They both deal with checks and balances."

"I know my Valentines day will be full of garbage... ...because I'll get dumped anyway."

"Me: Are you a dealer? Him: Obviously. Me: I want cocaine. Him: For the last time, place a bet or leave the casino."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. lol :P"

"The neighbors are looking at me strangely again. Like they have never seen a man sitting on his roof with a pair binoculars before."

"What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ? A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !"

"The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse."

"My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight... You might say he suffers from OBCD."

"What is the South American Music Scale? Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti No (This is a joke I wrote a loooonnngg time ago, tell me what you think.)"