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Joke of the Day

"This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie? Mow lawn. Sorry."

"MOM: What did you learn at summer camp? KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator? For what? KID: To charge our iPods"

"They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness"

"Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son ""in front of the world."" Stand your ground, kid. There's no way he has that technology."

"""Women are crazy!"" ""Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"" ""No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."""

"God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k"

"-What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike? _You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike"

"If you're behind someone at an ATM late night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck."

"Uh, guys... I just heard from my doctor, and it's bad news. If you've retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out."

"What are caterpillars afraid of? DOGerpillars!"