1024

Joke of the Day

"If you're behind someone at an ATM late night, let them know you're not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck."

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman ""Can I park here?"" ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."

"How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is."

"How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. That's the oldest pun in The Book."

"""Will he ever wake up?"" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*"

"Dr. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition... It seems he wildly misunderstood the rules."

"Just watched some Midget Wrestling. It was a short fight."

"My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding."

"There are three people in this world The ones that can count, and the ones that cant."