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Joke of the Day

"""Women are crazy!"" ""Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"" ""No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."""

"The barber from across the street was just arrested for selling drugs. I was his customer for 3 years. Didn't know he was also a barber."

"What is white, moody, easy to beat and makes me do stupid stuff? My penis."

"Man from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket Was writing a Limerick but said, ""Fuck it."""

"I don't know why people get so upset about failed pregnancies... I mean, the baby is still born. (sorry)"

"I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases and vice versa."

"As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil 3 times a day in order to survive. Lucky my older brother told me about it"

"Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH"

"How many men do a feminist need to make her sandwich? two. One from front and another from behind."

"Movie idea: Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth are called on by the US government to take their shirts off and punch people who read books."