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Joke of the Day

"""Women are crazy!"" ""Did one try to murder you unprovoked?"" ""No I just disappeared from her life with no notice & she went all PSYCHO on me."""

"You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won't unstop. Don't look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God."

"What were the Kamikaze Pilot's last words? ""Watch this cause i'll only do it once."""

"Where's the best place to explore? Rome."

"Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber."

"Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of. Is it a virus or a free U2 album?"

"A woman walks into a green grocers. She asks the man behind the counter for a cucumber. He asks her: ""Whole or sliced?"" She replies: ""I've got a fanny, not a fucking slot machine!"""

"Friend: You thinking what I'm thinking? Me: It's bullshit there weren't schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament? F: ...."

"I used to date a girl called Anna Ward She was a trophy girlfriend."

"What does the man say when he walks into the bar? ""Can I please get a drink?"""