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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed."

"Witnessed the birth of my cousin's first child... She said we should've used a condom"

"Writing Tip: Learn the letters. YES all of them. Regardless of what you write they'll come in handy. Try experimenting w/ diff combinations."

"What does a pig put on his cut? Oinkment"

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"

"What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea? I've never had a lima bean on my chest"

"POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense."

"You know what they should call ""Tinder"" in Manhattan? The New York Cock Exchange"

"Fuck holes in my cheese. It's just wasted space where more cheese could be."

"What do you call God in StarWars? A Skywalker"