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Joke of the Day

"God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k"

"But I meant it as a compliment when I said your baby looks like a pug."

"Where do fish deposit their money? River banks"

"Do you know why Jesus doesn't eat M&M's? Because they fall through the holes in his hands."

"Enter new password <glovebox> Must contain number <glovebox1> Must contain PHONE number <no> Please ;) <no u creep> Password not recognized"

"Did you know that Santa Claus is both an arborist and a geologist? He's gonna find out what's knotty or gneiss."

"For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids."

"We have technology which allows people to see through walls. We call them windows."

"What did Donald Trump say when he couldn't find his Viagra? The erection is rigged!"

"Psychiatrist ""Tell me about your trust issues."" Me ""No"""