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Joke of the Day
"What are a clumsy person's favorite flowers? Oopsie daisies."
Next Joke
"*finds all 7 dragonballs *dragon appears* ""WHAT IS YOUR WIS...OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK"""
"Ab Muscles: You're having ANOTHER cookie? Brain: Yep! Ab Muscles: You're just never planning on seeing us again? Brain: Nope!"
"Where did the terrorist go after he detonated the bomb? Everywhere."
"I went to the doctor this morning and I have mono. At my age I think I should have surround sound."
"Twitter. Or as I call it: Sinterest."
"This isn't working out. I think we should start making other people miserable."
"You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, ""Regular or Unleaded?"""
"My grandpa slept in snow in the Battle of the Bulge & I'm considering throwing out this cup of water bc it has some tiny floaty things in it"
"The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating... The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore."