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Joke of the Day

"I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows."

"Q: How old is Tyrion Lannister? A: Peter Dinkl-age"

"When is it time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand."

"I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??"

"What did the blind prostitute say to the guy with five dicks? I don't see where you're coming from."

"Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst"

"[Being murdered while eating a salad] Please sir will you stab the spinach out of my teeth don't let them find me like this"

"What do you call it when a midget realizes he's gay? Coming out of the cupboard."

"What's white, plastic, and not suitable for ages 5 and under? Michael Jackson"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Doesn't matter how many there are, they can't change anything."