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Joke of the Day

"I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??"

"listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk"

"What's green and german? Snotzis."

"What happens when you put the batteries in backwards in an Energizer Bunny? It keeps cumming and cumming and cumming...."

"You know where the most original posts on reddit are? /r/Jokes"

"Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable."

"So I was talking to my 13 year old friend online.... And out of nowhere she told me she was an FBI agent. How cool is that?!"

"The Final Jeopardy category is: Movies. The answer is: 300. The correct question is: on a scale of 1 to 10, how gay was that movie?"

"Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out"

"Writing with a dull pencil is pointless..."