118404

Joke of the Day

"[Being murdered while eating a salad] Please sir will you stab the spinach out of my teeth don't let them find me like this"

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."

"How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle? Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...with extra large cups."

"I just came back from my trip to the Virgin Islands... Now they just call them Islands."

"I made eye contact with a British boy today and quietly asked ""Are you Harry Potter?"" and he and his Mother did NOT think it was funny."

"Hey wanna hear a fat joke? [deleted]"

"One direction splitting up? My daughter just announced to me she is in d-Niall :-)"

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"Why are all black people fast? The slow ones got caught."