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Joke of the Day

"What joke has sebadoh for a punch line? A joke about what kind of dough does an italian use to make seb bread, with really good delivery."

"I promise to remain the same grounded, gracious, friend I've always been after winning $7 from Powerball #dreams"

"I bought my kid some McDonald's today. He really doesn't like stocks though."

"At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots."

"What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . ."

"Used to go out with a girl who'd punch me in the face each time she had an orgasm. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them."

"Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!"

"A cashier was serving a pregnant lady And enthusiastically asked ""Wow! Your child is so large already! Is it a boy or a girl?"" ""Yes"""

"Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably"

"I hope the new Royal baby girl doesn't follow in her grandmother's tire tracks ."