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Joke of the Day

"What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . ."

"I bought a dog from a blacksmith ..... As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door."

"I have a friend named ""Chris Hoffman"" I asked him to name his son Jack."

"Who are the greatest financiers in the bible? Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet."

"How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?"

"I'm just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy."

"When do cows go to sleep? When it's pasture bedtime"

"Batman sure has a weird habit of purposely leaving his soft lips exposed."

"My wife screams like crazy during sex... ...especially when I walk in on her!!!"

"Some days, I love being an elevator repair man... but I hate the days when people ask me if it has ""it's ups and downs."""