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Joke of the Day
"What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . ."
Next Joke
"I have a riddle for you. There are two doors, one leads to heaven, the other leads to hell. There are two guards, the guard to hell always tells a lie, and the guard to heaven is Shakira's hips."
"When writing a resume, it's much more valuable to say you are an expert at ""replicate and repurpose functionality"" than ""copy and paste."""
"What is blurrier the more you squint? Everything."
"My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch."
"To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential."
"What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."
"my dad is like boost mobile. where you at dog? ;("
"There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend. Czech mate. Edit: Australian, ty unsc_luke"
"Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed"