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Joke of the Day

"I promise to remain the same grounded, gracious, friend I've always been after winning $7 from Powerball #dreams"

"This is a bit cruel, but one of my favorites: What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The Wheelchair."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles"

"Opinions are like assholes.. Everybody's got one; Most of them aren't that pretty; and No one needs another one."

"I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here."

"Jimmy Savile was a terrible ventriloquist. He stuck his hand up my arse and told me not to say anything."

"I didn't like the idea of having a beard But then it grew on me"

"What do you call a joke with no punchline? Ba-dum-tss"

"Which country has the highest number of foolish people? Hungary. Stay Hungary, Stay Foolish"

"What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies."