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Joke of the Day

"He told me I was the ""bee's knees"". I believe I merit being compared to something more like a lemur's femur. Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?"

"*opens front door to see Christmas carolers singing Please, I have a family"

"What does Game of Thrones have in common with The Sixth Sense? Icy Dead People"

"My doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity."

"What do you call a British dinosaur? A tea rex."

"The best thing about gay bars is that if someone turns their back to you it's not necessarily a bad thing"

"How does a door chime answer the phone? Bella?"

"Don't describe two completely different things as ""apples and oranges"" they're both fruit Say something like ""elephants and crystal meth"""

"What is it called when a Jewish woman ovulates? An Eggsodus."

"I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze."