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Joke of the Day

"Don't describe two completely different things as ""apples and oranges"" they're both fruit Say something like ""elephants and crystal meth"""

"Two Irish men talking. - I saw my girlfriend going to the movies with another guy the other night. - Oh my god. Did you follow them? - No. - Why not? - I had watched the movie before."

"How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire? Pyroglyphs."

"There are three types of people in this world: The ones who can count, and the ones who can't."

"""Your storage is full"" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app"

"Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe"

"Before college, I didn't know what I was doing with my life, but now I'm confident I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Sometimes I think to myself ""I hope to god I'm not agnostic... or do I?"""

"What do you call a French human delicacy? Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka."

"I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower."