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Joke of the Day

"*opens front door to see Christmas carolers singing Please, I have a family"

"I like my women like I like my politics The more Bush the better"

"Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!"

"Why did America remove the ""u"" from ""colour""? Because fuck u that's why"

"Why can't woman drive? Because there are no roads from the bedroom to the kitchen!!"

"I called German UPS to ask them when they would ship my Rift.. They said, ""VR ready."""

"Why didn't the electron leave it's house? Because it was grounded."

"Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide."

"I don't have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is ""blender without the lid on""."

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandad did. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."