176925

Joke of the Day

"Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, ""You gotta bring it today!"" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*"

"What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a registered six offender."

"Why didn't the fat duck have any friends? Because he was ostrich-sized."

"Dear guy lighting bottle rocket fuses with a cigarette that's still in your mouth, You're going as a pirate for Halloween."

"If you really want to stick it to somebody... Use tape."

"PILOT OVER INTERCOM: alright folks, by a show of hands, who has ever made a small and understandable mistake?"

"What do you call a door with no legs? A door."

"Need more time? Scientifically proved. Those who celebrate more birthdays, live more time."

"I tried playing UNO with all my Mexican friends... ... but they kept stealing all the green cards!"