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Joke of the Day

"The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever"

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"I used to live with a girl ...until she realized I was there"

"Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon... ...Because Marathons are the master race."

"This one got my coworkers The stewardess on my flight asked me what snack I would like. I told her ""The plain chips would be fine. She says ""They are all plane chips, sir."""

"When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, ""HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."""

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynocologist? One looks up your family tree, and the other looks up your family bush."

"Whilst having an argument with my wife about housework, she asked me to look at it from a woman's point of view ... So I looked out the kitchen window."

"My father was a nun Whenever the judge asked him for his occupation he would always answer ""nun""."

"A woman calls the police claiming a one armed man is trying to kill her... They say to her ""don't worry about him mam, he's hARMLESS."""